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I have already alerted some of you to the fact that a beloved, albeit recent, Richmond institution is under attack. The Belmont Butchery, purveyors of fine meats, once sported an impressively minimalist website. It was a single page that listed their hours and tantalized visitors with a picture of the marbled shank of some delicious creature. I visited the website many times even though the site didn’t grow beyond that one page. I pondered the juxtaposition of the spartan layout with the pictured cut of richly marbled, prized meat. On my last visit, however, I was confronted with the following graphic as well as the notice that the site had been hacked by “CrOwnzer.”
Applying the skills gleaned from reading countless Sherlock Holmes stories, I immediately deduced that the hacker is a lovelorn, teenage, Pakistani girl. How, you ask? Elementary, my dear Internets.
Why do the terrorists always strike the places we hold most dear?
N.B. – I do not think all Pakistanis are terrorists. I respect many things about the nation of Pakistan most notably its ability to churn out an endless supply of quality fast bowlers despite being riddled with corruption and having next to no infrastructure.
This, along with several other FULL PAGE MAGAZINE spreads was FedExed to me on Tuesday. Here are some of my favorite comments, made by “friends” :
“Who is that Japanese girl trying to look white?”
“You look at least 40.”
“Weird.”
And weird it is. I recorded an album in New York in September with Venus Records, an indie Japanese jazz label. Venus has extensively publicized the album in Japan and has been kind enough to send me some of the promotional material. I somehow thought it would be much more exciting to receive magazines with your picture liberally strewn about. I think Tim was more excited than I was, because it doesn’t really feel like I am looking at myself. Maybe if I could understand the writing, it would sink in a little more. I hope it’s as good as the translations that Google has provided of some of the reviews:
“‘I can not see it passed through beauty’ and they likely originated in an involuntary owner Laura Ann Miss Beauty. Bossa Nova vocalist working in Richmond as they seem, but this time the name of Venus from Laura’s first album as the launch of which has come to a happy pattern. Then somewhere and I felt that old familiar voice. After a while, ‘Hey, this must be Aki Yashiro?’ But I did not. I feel this reason, but through the whole book, music and slow vibrato in a moment when I felt a little and received the impression. With beautiful background music, Laura, who is also fluent in Portuguese, it’s a really rich singing to me. Bossa pros as well, ‘Standard Jazz Album I also like listening to’ someone, we also expect the singer’s appearance tied up!”
Another gem: “Laura slightly husky voice, a romantic and sentimental to me approaching, the start of summer, the perfect modern luxury.”
Well, there you have it. The critics are raving. Mad, that is. Hopefully we will do another album this year. When we were recording, the label owner, Mr. Tetsuo Hara was there in the studio. Tim and I had the chance to talk to him quite a bit. He bought us lunch and told us about $40-per-piece sushi in Japan. He kept talking about curry to make Tim comfortable, and Tim kept calling him “Mr. O’Hara” as if he were an Irish policeman. It was the perfect modern luxury.
I would say that Tim and I are not very technologically savvy. But, so much is happening in our lives and I want to remember it all. So, I’ve basically coerced my erudite and well spoken husband into writing for a blog about nothing in particular. Here are some topics that will most surely be visited:
Economics/Libertarianism/Politics/PLEASE DO NOT MENTION THE FARM BILL
Music that I like that no one cares for any more
Our burgeoning careers (Richmond, New York, Japan, and beyond)
Cricket and the NBA
Smallville and maybe Archie Comics
Food that we cook, eat and are dreaming of cooking and eating
Lastly, the title of our blog came about because we have planned our next vacation entirely around visiting a very obscure (and hard to reach) town legendary for its acorn fed suckling pigs that are burnt to a perfect crisp over special spits filled with fairy dust and meteor rocks. I think it sounds great! Tim can’t think about anything else.
