I have already alerted some of you to the fact that a beloved, albeit recent, Richmond institution is under attack. The Belmont Butchery, purveyors of fine meats, once sported an impressively minimalist website. It was a single page that listed their hours and tantalized visitors with a picture of the marbled shank of some delicious creature. I visited the website many times even though the site didn’t grow beyond that one page. I pondered the juxtaposition of the spartan layout with the pictured cut of richly marbled, prized meat. On my last visit, however, I was confronted with the following graphic as well as the notice that the site had been hacked by “CrOwnzer.”

Applying the skills gleaned from reading countless Sherlock Holmes stories, I immediately deduced that the hacker is a lovelorn, teenage, Pakistani girl. How, you ask? Elementary, my dear Internets.

Why do the terrorists always strike the places we hold most dear?

N.B. – I do not think all Pakistanis are terrorists. I respect many things about the nation of Pakistan most notably its ability to churn out an endless supply of quality fast bowlers despite being riddled with corruption and having next to no infrastructure.